Do You Need Relationship Counseling or Coaching?
All couples have differences.
It’s how they deal with those differences that matters. In a healthy relationship, a couple would communicate their feelings about an issue. Then they would negotiate and resolve the problem, reaching a win/win plan where each one feels they got part of what they want. And finally, the couple would make a deal about how to handle any similar issue like that one in the future. Ideally, both would feel understood and cared for by their mate and go forward without resentment. Then as years go by, the couple would have fewer and fewer fights and disagreements because most of the issues have already been resolved.
This scenario seldom happens for several reasons.
Each person usually fights to be “right,” one person often takes control early on, one or both feel guilty and avoid the issue, people get defensive and repeat patterns they learned as children, few people know how to communicate effectively, and couples usually don’t have the skills necessary to actually “resolve” their relationship conflicts even when they want to.
The longer one or more issues goes unresolved... The more resentment that builds up between a couple, eventually eroding the relationship and each person’s self-esteem.
Could your relationship be at the point... That someone needs to intervene and help the two of you move out of the resentment/ guilt syndrome and get your relationship back on track?
Take this quiz and find out. Answer Yes or No.
1. Do you often feel hurt and/or angry by your mate’s actions? (You may think you’ve told your mate, but nothing ever changes.)
2. Do you keep thinking “If I do this or that, our relationship will improve,” but it doesn’t? (You may be giving more than you get back.)
3. Do you fight about the same issues again and again with little or no resolution? (You think, “Here we go again!)
4. Does the word “divorce” often get thrown around during fights by you or your mate? (It may just be a threat, but usually it means that a person feels hopeless.)
5. Do your fights often seem to be about ridiculous things? (Fights over nothing are signs of a power struggle.)
6. Do you edit your conversations with your mate, fearing you’ll be judged, criticized or not understood? (When you stop communicating honestly, there is no chance of fixing it.)
7. Do you feel like you’re living with a roommate, often spending time in separate areas of the house? (It’s often lonelier living with someone you’re not communicating with, than it is living alone.)
8. Do you wish that your relationship had more fun and excitement, more passion, more emotional intimacy or more peacefulness?
9. Do you often think that if your mate would just change, then you would be happy? (This is a sign of dependency, unrealistic expectations, and a fear of taking control of your own happiness.)
10. Are you sometimes embarrassed by your own behavior when you are with your mate, and/or talk behind his or her back? (If you are, just think of what you may be teaching your kids.)
If you answered yes to only 1 or 2 of the questions above, you may be able to work these issues out yourself or spend just one or two sessions with a relationship counselor or coach to get the issues resolved.
3 – 5 yes answers, means that you and your mate need to set aside time and do some serious talking and see a relationship counselor or coach for a few months to try and get your relationship back on track.
If you answered yes to more than 5 of these questions, your relationship is in crisis and you need to see a relationship counselor or coach, with or without your mate. (You can often change your relationship by seeing a counselor/coach individually and changing your behavior which will force his/hers to change.) It’s time to make some crucial decisions about your life and your future.
Infidelity ... Cheating ... Affairs
What should I do?
Have you seen lots of Texting, Sexting? Especially secret Texting? Sexting?
Do you suspect infidelity?
Worried about an affair?
Is my husband having an extra-marital affair?
Is my wife having an extra-marital affair?
I've had a secret affair, but I want it to end. What should I do?
How can I be sure?
How can I find and end affairs now?
What exactly is cheating, and what is not cheating?
Online affairs and infidelity
Affair, or one-night stand?
You’ve been caught cheating, or you know about cheating: What now?
Can I ever trust my wife / my husband again?
Should I get proof? Private detective? Phone bill? Credit card bill? Computer browsing history?
Is this the end?
Can couples / marriages survive after cheating?
Should I accuse him / her? Ask if something is going on? Be silent until I’m sure?
Is it possible to forgive and start fresh?
Can we restore intimacy and trust?
Do I want to stay together after an extra-marital affair?
Could my husband be unfaithful?
Could my wife be unfaithful?
Is it possible for our relationship / marriage to survive this?
One of these questions, may be 'your' question or questions, so we need to know first, what constitutes infidelity, cheating or affairs?
Not too long ago, everyone knew what sex meant, and everyone knew what cheating meant. Everyone knew whether certain behaviors constituted cheating or not.
Today, things have gotten more complicated. One reason is that so many things can occur online, that people can sometimes be unsure whether a particular online behavior is — or is not — cheating.
The second reason is that some people have different ideas about which physical acts are cheating, and which are not really cheating.
Surveys reveal that many people do not regard oral sex as sex, for example, so it could not possibly be cheating. How about flirting with a person in a bar, while your partner believes you are at work or on a business trip? Is that cheating too?
Here’s the simple truth. A good Relationship Counselor or Coach doesn’t make this decision for you. If you feel the need to wonder whether or not a certain behavior is cheating, then it is probably cheating, unless you are saddled with an excess of jealousy or insecurity.
The only way to be sure — and being sure is so very important — is to see a relationship counselor now.... whether you are the one engaging in the behavior, or whether your partner is the one.
Cheating can range from texting to intercourse. Cheating is defined not by what people have done with their bodies; it is defined by what’s in their hearts.
As a Relationship Counselor and/or Coach, I can help you be sure whether something that bothers you is in fact cheating or just an excess of suspicion. Have you been betrayed, or have you betrayed your partner? Or is an innocent situation being blown out of proportion? Sometimes the line between these are fuzzy, and as a counselor I can quickly help you to be certain. ....then we can determine — together — what your best response should be.
Affair — Infidelity — Cheating — Extra-Marital Relationship — whatever you call it.... can tear your heart out with grief, anger, jealousy, or other powerful negative feelings.
To be very honest with you..... an unfaithful partner sometimes means the end of a couple’s relationship or marriage because of a total loss of trust.
Fortunately, with counseling, infidelity/ cheating/ etc.... does not have to be the end of a relationship or marriage!
Most of the time, as a Relationship Counselor and/or Coach, I can help you create solutions that make betrayals a thing of the past. The problem will simply vanish. The only thing I cannot do for you is to forgive or to seek forgiveness. Trust will most often be rebuilt steadily in the coming months, well after your relationship counseling has been completed. Time truly heals all wounds, but only if you allow it to.
Believe it or not, there is plenty of hopeful news. Most couples somehow survive an affair with a little help from counseling and go on to remain happily together. Much depends on how much trust existed before the cheating even happened. Even more important, much depends on how you both behave after the infidelity has been discovered. Also, the details are often important. Was it a one-night stand after too many drinks on a business trip? Or was it a longer, secret relationship, carefully hidden with deception? Is it over, or still going on? These and other facts matter a lot. There is a very big difference between a moment of foolishness and bad judgment, and a sneaky affair conducted behind someone’s back and lasting months or longer. They are both very painful, but the chances of recovery may be quite different.
Most often, when clients come in for Relationship Counseling, your relationship will not only be saved, but even renewed and revived... in a form that’s deeper and more trusting than it ever was before.
If you and your partner/spouse/etc. would like to come in and get started on rebuilding a new relationship and build a wonderful 'new' life.. together... Click on Book On-line and you can select a convenient time and day to get started.